top of page
  • Writer's pictureErlinda Pantanilla

Thank You For The Voice Within Me

By Erlinda San Diego-Pantanilla (ESP)

Lent 2023

I listed a lot of things to do this Lent of 2023. It seems that I can’t get to my usual self of doing bulk things on time. Holy Week is about to start this coming Sunday. Something is pulling me down to do my tasks.

I’m hearing the voice inside me to stop for a while and write something about the good things that happened to me since I was devastated by the loss of my beloved husband seven years ago.

Since I was a small girl, I already knew what my plans were. These were all anchored on growth, generosity, gratefulness, and God. Nobody taught me this. I only realized that I was on the right track when a friend gave me a book entitled “The Secret” written by Rhonda Byrne sometime in 2007.

I also watched the film with the same title. This opened my eyes to listen to the inner voice within me. This voice whispers to me all the actions I have to do to get what I wanted. This voice whispers to me that I could lead my family, lead the organization I’m working with, lead the church organizations, lead the civic organizations, and lead my own business. In the book, the Universe is used to describe the provider of everything. I call it God.

The inner voice I am referring to is my intuition. I call it ESP, my initials. Coincidence or not, what I feel and think about always becomes a reality. If I only maximized this ESP, I could have been a name in the corporate world. Most of the time I did not listen. I always cling to my rational assessments in any actions

After the death of my husband, I was left with no savings. We’ve gone through with a 12-year medication, 2 major head surgeries, and 2 ICU confinements.

With deep gratitude, I know that God was working on my friends to support me all the way. This is how my generosity blessed me in this time of crisis. I just help people in need. Not in terms of money alone but more on echoing to anyone seeking my help on how to resolve their problems. I was instrumental in a lot of people’s lives by lending my time and wisdom. I don’t care if they get offended by my pieces of advice. But thank God, those who believed in me started believing in themselves and they were able to change their lives as self-made individuals.

After a year of grief, I surprised my family I tendered my optional retirement. I literally jumped off the ravine. It was at this time that I found myself indecisive. No direction. I was caught in a helpless mode. I no longer wanted to work. I no longer wanted to be with people. Thanks to my very close friends who talked to me personally and remotely. I will never forget them. I woke up one day hearing my inner voice telling me to rise up and heard “God has a lot of plans for you.”

Fast forward, to the first month of my retirement, I kept myself busy with Facebook blogging. I had a routine. Meditate, rise up, walk for 30 minutes, cook, dress up, blog, rest, entertain calls and chats, meditate, and sleep. Then on the following morning, repeat the pattern.

A very good friend while I was still in the service chatted with me and asked me what was keeping me busy. Told him that I am just at home. He asked me to see him for a cup of coffee and on that same day, I agreed to help them with their tax concerns. This company gave me a new life. It gave me a reason that there is life after the Bureau of Internal Revenue of the Philippines. It made me feel important. It made me see the soft bed waiting for me when I jumped off the ravine.

I am now living a stress-free life. All my health issues were resolved. My only maintenance medication is 50 mg. of Losartan daily to control high blood pressure which is manageable. I am now able to walk with ease after the repair of my left knee meniscal tear. I can deliver all the company’s needs even when I’m just at home. I was then driving their Toyota Fortuner SUV to make my personal living and working easy. I am ready to help my client to the best I can with full-pledged loyalty.

This season of Lent is the best time to express my gratitude to God for providing me with all that I need. To my family who dared to be misunderstood just to give me a wake-up call that life is so beautiful. To my friends who kept on listening to me no matter how often my stories are replayed. To those who hurt me because the wounds they inflicted on me made me a better person and a better version of how God created me. To my siblings who continue to understand and love me. I am very grateful to all of you.

Most especially, thank You for the inner voice that constantly speaks to me. I will continue to grow. Growth has no age limit. I will continue to be generous. Even overly generous. This provides me with abundance. I will continue to be grateful. I will never get tired of thanking God for all his creations, especially my being. I will never get tired of thanking all the people and things that made my life an easy one. Thank You for that inner voice. Thank you for my ESP.

I promise, I will always go with God.

47 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page